Vampires get real

April 12, 2013 by  
Filed under Books

By Renee Schmutz-Sowards, BCPL circulation specialist

Let me start by stating that I’m not a fan of the current, slightly over done, genre of vampire-themed literature.  real vampires have curves

For those not familiar, these books are generally written for a young adult audience, high school to early 20’s, and often revolve around an introspective, angst-ridden teen protagonist, usually female, who in addition to the everyday teenage concerns  of “Am I pretty enough?”, “Why doesn’t anyone understand me?”, “Am I cool enough?”, “ Will my crush ever notice me?”, suddenly finds herself faced with a whole new set of other-worldly worries: “Am I pretty enough?, “Why doesn’t anyone understand me?”,  “Am I cool enough?”,” Will my crush ever notice me and, if he does, should I eat him?”

The cover art even looks alike, usually featuring a waif-like young woman in an ethereal, slightly tattered evening gown looking soulfully out of the picture from an overgrown graveyard or rocky beach, perhaps surrounded by a photo-shopped swirl of smoky color.

So you can imagine how a book called “Real Vampires Have Curves,” showing a rather voluptuous women glancing saucily over her shoulder while folding clothes, caught my attention.

I started reading it then and there, and had it finished by the next day. After that the search was on to find more! Fortunately, the book I had stumbled across was the first in a series by author Gerry Bartlett that featured the ongoing adventures of vampire Glory St. Claire, who had the misfortune to being turned when she “just happened to be bloating”.

Glory is forced to navigate eternity as a plus size vampire when nearly all of the rest of the un-dead are pale, skinny, and brooding.

Along the way she finds herself dealing with demonic possession, obsessed stalkers, billionaire techno-freak vampire hunters, over-protective werewolves  and one super-hot Scottish vampire who just happens to be her on again/off again boyfriend, all while trying to run her trendy vintage clothing store.

Through all these outrageous happenings Glory reacts with wit, humor and a surprisingly real-woman attitude that often has me giggling out loud! There are nine books in this series so far, all with quirky “Real Vampire…” titles. “Real Vampires Don’t Diet” and “Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans” are two of my favorites.

You can find more information about both the books and the author at: And, as always, you can check out these books and so many more at Boyd County Public Library. Just go to our catalog and place a hold on an item.

P.S. As an interesting aside, while poking around the author’s website I found out that “Real Vampires Have Curves” has recently been translated for publication in Germany. Translated the title is: “Echte Vampire Haben Kurven”, which for some reason I just LOVE! The cover art for the German version is new, and worth taking a look at … I just may like it even more the original cover!


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